If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49.00 left. With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00. With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00 in cash.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It’s called the 401-Keg. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon. Makes You Proud To Be An American!

-Dan

You know your old when in…

1977 : Long hair
2007 : Longing for hair

1977 : KEG
2007: EKG

1977 : Acid rock

2007 : Acid reflux

1977 : Moving to California because it’s cool

2007 : Moving to Arizona because it’s warm

1977 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

2007: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1977 : Seeds and stems

2007 : Roughage

1977 : Hoping for a BMW (ya, this looks like a 1977 beamer alright…)

2007: Hoping for a BM

1977 : Going to a new, hip joint

2007 : Receiving a new hip joint

1977 : Rolling Stones

2007: Kidney Stones

1977 : Screw the system

2007: Upgrade the system

1977 : Disco

2007: Costco

1977 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut

2007: Kids begging to get heads shaved

1977 : Passing the drivers’ test

2007: Passing the vision test

1977 : Whatever

2007: Depends

Just in case you weren’t feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year’s incoming freshmen.

Here’s this year’s list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1989.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

The CD was introduced the year they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: “Where’s the Beef?”, “I’d walk a mile for a Camel”, or “de plane, Boss, de plane.”

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

McDonald’s never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don’t have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet? Notice the larger type, that’s for those of you who have trouble reading…

-Ruger