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Posts tagged Joke
Biology Test Today
Apr 18th
Biology Test Today….
I took my biology exam today and failed.
I was asked to name something commonly found in cells.
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-Daniel
Tickle my Testicles!
Feb 19th
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.
Ticke Me Elmo
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena, ‘I’m sorry,’ he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, ‘but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday… Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.’
-Danny
Government
Mar 10th
Zebra Joke
Jun 2nd
A Zebra Dies and goes to Heaven
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter,
I have a question that’s haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?
St. Peter said,
That’s a question only God can answer.
So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked,
God, please – I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?
God simply replied,
You are what you are.
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him,
Well, did God straighten out your query for you?
The zebra looked puzzled and said,
No sir, God simply said You are what you are.
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra,
Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.
The zebra asked St. Peter,
How do you know that for certain?
St. Peter replied,
Because, If you were black with white stripes God would have said, You is what you is.
-Ruger
Jewelry Joke
Apr 23rd
A lady walks into a high class jewelry shop. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a sales man standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?”
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little ‘accident’, she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?”
He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to shit when I tell you the price”.
-Ruger
Suicidal Thoughts
Feb 29th
I was depressed tonight, so I called up one of them suicide lines and go figure I got some foreigner in Pakista. I could hardly understand him. I started to explain to him my situation and that I was having suicidal thoughts. The Pakistani got all excited and then asked me if I knew how to drive a truck?!?!?!?!?!?
-Ruger
Business Link
Jan 16th
www.internetisseriousbusiness.com
Click on the above link to view the page. Make sure your volume is turned up as it is hard to hear.
-Ruger
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Nurse Joke
Dec 15th
A nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and with out missing a beat, she says:
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-Ruger
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Tequila
Oct 23rd
What happens when you:
- have nothing to do
- own a sharp knife
- have a large lime
- own a patient cat
- drink too much tequila
- and it’s football season?
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