I know many of you have heard or read some like these…but here are some I haven’t seen before. The crazy thing about this list is that my wife has mentioned or told a story regarding most of every thing listed here. The fact that there is over 170 of them and someone not in the profession can relate or know of a bunch of these is even better.
- The front of you scrubs read: ‘Nurses…here to save your ass, not kiss it!’
- You occasionally park in the space with the ‘Physicians Only’ sign, and knock it over.
- You’ve ever told a patient to ‘move toward the light.’
- You believe that all the patient needs is some vitamin A (ativan)
- You’ve ever run out of linens, syringes, IV fluid, meds, and patience all at the same time
- You ever felt like a Gastroenterologist… because you work with a##holes
- It IS as BAD as you think, and the patients ARE out to get you
- You ever told a patient he didn’t need to be dead to donate an organ
- You feel that earth is the insane asylum for the universe
- You believe some patients are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them
- In a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer the most advice and the least support.
- You do the “only-27-more-minutes-of-the-shift-from-hell happy dance”
- When you need the money, your shift is cancelled; ….when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.
- You believe sick people don’t $itch
- You believe the more equipment you see on a nurses belt, the newer they are.
- You believe when dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
- You believe If the child is quiet, be scared.
- You always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.
- You believe if the patient vomits in the ED, try to hold their head to the side of the stretcher with the disposable equipment, not the stuff you have to clean.
- You believe any family member who is more drunk (or more stupid) than the patient, is the real problem.
- You can’t cure stupid.
- You believe if it’s wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
- You believe that idiots that get into car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
- You believe when a patient vomits, be sure to aim it at the family members who wouldn’t back up.
- You never trust crash cart, drug box or airway bag to be fully stocked. More >
Alcohol,
Bedpan,
Blood Alcohol Level,
cold,
crazy,
critical situation,
Dead,
Death,
Dismemberment,
disposable equipment,
doctor,
drunk,
Earrings,
Family,
Flu,
gastroenterologist,
Government,
Immune System,
Insane,
insane asylum,
Medicines,
meds,
Migraine,
Nose Ring,
nurse,
nurses,
Pain,
physicians,
Prescription Medications,
Prozac,
sense of humor,
Shift Change,
Sick,
Suicide,
syringes,
Tongue Depressor,
Vomit September 13th:
I wake up to my left hand in severe pain. In detail, my middle finger (my insult finger) was locked into position at roughly a 90 degree angle. I was unable to straighten it at all. It felt like bone on bone with no joint lubrication at all. It took about two hours before I was able to straighten it out with out any pain. The rest of the day went un-eventful except that my hand was sore.
September 14th:
Again, I wake up in pain due to my middle finger being locked up. This time I was able to get it moving with in one hour (still feels like bone on bone). This morning I ended up with a fever. I slept till noon (or at least when I wasn’t awake shivering or sweating to death). At that point I knew I wasn’t making it to work. From noon until about 4 to 4:30, was the worst fever I had felt in a long time. By the time 4 rolled around, my pillow was soaking wet from me sweating. Everyone thought that I had the Swine flu but I knew better. My immune system went wacko on me and attacked all my joints as I couldn’t move and my body was trying to fight it off with the fever I had.
September 15th:
Well, this time around my finger was fine, it did not lock up. Something much more painful locked up on me. My left knee. I didn’t realize it either until about 2AM I moved or rolled over or something and when I moved my leg to try and get situated I thought to myself why the hell is my knee so hard to move and just as that thought ran through my mind, the pain hit. This happened twice last night. The second time was so painful I actually yelled out. I asked my wife if I woke her up and she said no so I must not have yelled that loud. The pain in my knee was the worst I felt so far in regards to this fucking disease. That hurt bad. I am thanking God that it didn’t last long like my finger did. Uggg… that sucked bad… At least today I don’t feel like I have a fever and I am mobile again (for the time being). I guess I should mention that this is getting bad only because I lost my insurance last January and when I was put on my Wifes, hers will not cover Embrel or Humira like my old insurance did. So now I am back to heavy pain killers, steroids and anti-inflammatory drugs. Let me tell you, if your health is fine be thankful because I can attest that having pain dictate your life really fucking sucks!
-Dan
Degree Angle,
Eventful,
Fever,
Flu,
Fucking Disease,
Immune System,
Insult,
Joints,
Left Hand,
Left Knee,
Long Time,
Lubrication,
Middle Finger,
Rest Of The Day,
Second Time,
Severe Pain,
Swine Flu,
Thanking God For the past three days, I have had a migraine that will not subside no matter what drugs I take for it. I missed work for two days straight now. Imitrex, pain killers, other migraine medicine just are not cutting it. I believe it has to do with my immune system going out of wack due to my AS (ankylosing spondylitis). The last two days, it started with a bad head ache, then my body became stiff and sore as if I were coming down with the Flu, I got a fever (low grade) but still ended up freezing to death in 68 degree room temperature. All I did was lay in bed with the lights off and the windows covered up the best I could to make it as dark as possible with covers over my head so I didn’t have to deal with the light.
If I wake up tomorrow with a head ache, I am going to the docs office and getting a pain killer shot because I can not take this much more. I can deal with not being able to move and in pain due to my joints but this pain in my head has to go. I originally thought I was coming down with something but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
This weather I think is the culprit. It can’t just be warm out. It has to be cold, warm cold warm… etc… This is fucking with my body really bad. You know, I know pain. I live with it. When I get a migraine, most of the time I just want to die versus my AS pain which I just can’t move due to the physical pain and thats fine with me but this migraine bullshit has to go. I can function even at my worst with AS, but even the littlest migraine puts me down for the entire day or until it subsides. The medicines I have taken to relieve my migraine may have done more harm to my body these last three days then the migraine itself.
I am praying that this episode of pain is over…
-Ruger
Ankylosing Spondylitis,
Culprit,
Degree Temperature,
drugs,
Fever,
Flu,
Freezing To Death,
Head Ache,
Imitrex,
Immune System,
Joints,
Medicine,
Medicines,
Migraine,
Migraine Medicine,
Pain In My Head,
Pain Killer,
Pain Killers,
Ruger,
Weather 
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