Despite.Org – Despise Everything!
Posts tagged Earrings
Nurses
Mar 1st
Posted by Daniel Clark in Comedy
I know many of you have heard or read some like these…but here are some I haven’t seen before. The crazy thing about this list is that my wife has mentioned or told a story regarding most of every thing listed here. The fact that there is over 170 of them and someone not in the profession can relate or know of a bunch of these is even better.
- The front of you scrubs read: ‘Nurses…here to save your ass, not kiss it!’
- You occasionally park in the space with the ‘Physicians Only’ sign, and knock it over.
- You’ve ever told a patient to ‘move toward the light.’
- You believe that all the patient needs is some vitamin A (ativan)
- You’ve ever run out of linens, syringes, IV fluid, meds, and patience all at the same time
- You ever felt like a Gastroenterologist… because you work with a##holes
- It IS as BAD as you think, and the patients ARE out to get you
- You ever told a patient he didn’t need to be dead to donate an organ
- You feel that earth is the insane asylum for the universe
- You believe some patients are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them
- In a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer the most advice and the least support.
- You do the “only-27-more-minutes-of-the-shift-from-hell happy dance”
- When you need the money, your shift is cancelled; ….when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.
- You believe sick people don’t $itch
- You believe the more equipment you see on a nurses belt, the newer they are.
- You believe when dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
- You believe If the child is quiet, be scared.
- You always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.
- You believe if the patient vomits in the ED, try to hold their head to the side of the stretcher with the disposable equipment, not the stuff you have to clean.
- You believe any family member who is more drunk (or more stupid) than the patient, is the real problem.
- You can’t cure stupid.
- You believe if it’s wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
- You believe that idiots that get into car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
- You believe when a patient vomits, be sure to aim it at the family members who wouldn’t back up.
- You never trust crash cart, drug box or airway bag to be fully stocked. More >
Alcohol, Bedpan, Blood Alcohol Level, cold, crazy, critical situation, Dead, Death, Dismemberment, disposable equipment, doctor, drunk, Earrings, Family, Flu, gastroenterologist, Government, Immune System, Insane, insane asylum, Medicines, meds, Migraine, Nose Ring, nurse, nurses, Pain, physicians, Prescription Medications, Prozac, sense of humor, Shift Change, Sick, Suicide, syringes, Tongue Depressor, Vomit
Craig’s List Personals
May 7th
Posted by Daniel Clark in Comedy
Again, not sure about the legitimacy of this but it is funny either way and could be true.
*/Posted to Craig’s List Personals:/*
*/To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last./*
*/Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 A M EST/*
*/I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings./*
*/I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize./*
*/I didn’t expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason thatevening, and it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911.45 A CP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?/*
*/It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it? I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. /*
*/I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet. /*
*/ I threw the wallet in a fancy pink “pimp mobile” parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that.. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service./*
*/I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA ‘s office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number). /*
*/I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky../*
*/- Alex/*
*/P.S. Remember this motto…….an armed society is a polite society!/*
-Ruger
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