Posts tagged Death

CIA

Sep 13th

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”

The first man said,

“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”

The agent replies,

“Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes.

“I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent replies,

“You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said,

“You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

assassin, cia, Death, job, Shots, wife, Woman

Nurses

Mar 1st

Posted by Daniel Clark in Comedy

No comments

I know many of you have heard or read some like these…but here are some I haven’t seen before. The crazy thing about this list is that my wife has mentioned or told a story regarding most of every thing listed here. The fact that there is over 170 of them and someone not in the profession can relate or know of a bunch of these is even better.

The front of you scrubs read: ‘Nurses…here to save your ass, not kiss it!’
You occasionally park in the space with the ‘Physicians Only’ sign, and knock it over.
You’ve ever told a patient to ‘move toward the light.’
You believe that all the patient needs is some vitamin A (ativan)
You’ve ever run out of linens, syringes, IV fluid, meds, and patience all at the same time
You ever felt like a Gastroenterologist… because you work with a##holes
It IS as BAD as you think, and the patients ARE out to get you
You ever told a patient he didn’t need to be dead to donate an organ
You feel that earth is the insane asylum for the universe
You believe some patients are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them
In a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer the most advice and the least support.
You do the “only-27-more-minutes-of-the-shift-from-hell happy dance”
When you need the money, your shift is cancelled; ….when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.
You believe sick people don’t $itch
You believe the more equipment you see on a nurses belt, the newer they are.
You believe when dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
You believe If the child is quiet, be scared.
You always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.
You believe if the patient vomits in the ED, try to hold their head to the side of the stretcher with the disposable equipment, not the stuff you have to clean.
You believe any family member who is more drunk (or more stupid) than the patient, is the real problem.
You can’t cure stupid.
You believe if it’s wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
You believe that idiots that get into car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
You believe when a patient vomits, be sure to aim it at the family members who wouldn’t back up.
You never trust crash cart, drug box or airway bag to be fully stocked. More >