Despite.Org – Despise Everything!
Posts tagged Crap
Age before Technology
Feb 3rd
Posted by Daniel Clark in Comedy
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930′s 40′s, 50′s, 60′s and 70′s!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitch-hiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren’t overweight because
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms……….WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Publisher Unknown?
-Dan
Tags: Appointment, Aspirin, Balls, Birthday, Bush, Butt, car, Cell Phones, Cheese, Comedy, Crap, Dan, free, Game, General, Government, Guns, Hey, House, Information, kid, kids, Medicine, Misc., Misc., old, Pain, Parents, Past, Rated, Rated: G, Rig, Stories, Tales of Interest, Tape, Teeth, Test, Tree, video, WormCraig’s List Personals
May 7th
Posted by Daniel Clark in Comedy
Again, not sure about the legitimacy of this but it is funny either way and could be true.
*/Posted to Craig’s List Personals:/*
*/To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last./*
*/Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 A M EST/*
*/I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings./*
*/I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize./*
*/I didn’t expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason thatevening, and it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911.45 A CP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?/*
*/It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it? I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. /*
*/I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet. /*
*/ I threw the wallet in a fancy pink “pimp mobile” parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that.. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service./*
*/I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA ‘s office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number). /*
*/I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky../*
*/- Alex/*
*/P.S. Remember this motto…….an armed society is a polite society!/*
-Ruger


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