Despite.Org – Despise Everything!
Posts tagged Butt
Oxymoron
Feb 11th
My Dad sent me this, not sure where he got it from but it speaks the truth:
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?
-Danny
Wisdom
May 25th
1. A day without sunshine is night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable , except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’
22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off..
23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
-Dan
Tags: 3 - Painful, Anger, Bad Memory, Box Of Chocolates, Butt, Cheese, Clear Conscience, Comedy, Eagles, Early Bird, Fingers, General, Jet Engines, Jokes, Laziness, Misc., My Mood, Nobody Cares, Not Rated, O.K., Pain Rating, Psychics, Sponges, Support Bacteria, Vending Machines, Weasels, What The Heck, Wisdom, WormSome Words of Wisdom
Jul 24th
1. A day without sunshine is night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable , except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’
22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off..
23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
-Dan
Tags: Anger, Array, Bad Memory, Box Of Chocolates, Butt, Cheese, Clear Conscience, Comedy, Eagles, Early Bird, Fingers, Jet Engines, Laziness, Misc., Nobody Cares, Not Rated, Psychics, Sponges, Support Bacteria, Vending Machines, Weasels, What The Heck, Words Of Wisdom, WormYou May Be A Taliban If…
Jul 17th
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You’ve ever uttered the phrase, “I love what you’ve done with your cave.”
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
12. You’ve ever had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.
-Ruger
Tags: Bacon, Bullet Proof, Butt, Cell Phones, Comedy, Explosives, Goat, Heroin, Jihad, Jokes, Left Hand, Machine Gun, Misc., Moral Objection, Neighbor, Phrase, Rated, Rated: PG, Roadside Bombs, Rocket Launcher, Shoes, Suicide, Taliban, Teeth, Vests
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