-Danny

February 5, 2010

College Composition, Essay #2

Pets and Humor

There are varied opinions about pet ownership and the relationship between owners and their pets. Do pets really help improve the health of the people they live with? Or are pets just another mouth to feed, another burden to take care of, and clean up after?  Are owners of pets any happier than people who don’t have a pet?

As a pet owner, I have to tell you that some of the most humorous moments I have experienced have been while with my pets. Currently in my home, there are three dogs and three cats. It all began with Rusty, Rusty is a 16-year-old golden retriever mix, who at times seems to be unable to tolerate me. His favorite human is my husband; if he is spending time with “Daddy” and I even say his name he will turn his head in the opposite direction and make it very clear that he is not interested in me. This is very funny to my husband and myself and no matter what I try to do get his attention it is to no avail. There is also Sam a 2-year-old yellow lab that showed up on our doorstep about one and a half years ago.

Sam is definitely the most humorous of the six and she is the one that I credit the most with keeping Rusty alive. In April of 2008 we received some sad news. The Vet had told us that Rusty had lung cancer and would not live very much longer. We decided that since Rusty did not have much longer, it would be okay to go ahead and let the puppy stay. Well since that day, we have experienced some quiet funny moments in our home.

I could give many examples of times when my family and I have had a good laugh either with or at one of the pets in our home. As I had mentioned before, Rusty has his own sense of humor and if you do something that he may perceive as strange human behavior it is as if you can see the laughter in his face. His eyes brighten, and he will get an expression on his face that resembles a smile. Sam, on the other hand seems to favor the cats in the house. I truly believe that she thinks she is a cat. On more than one occasion, she has been seen sleeping on the back of the sofa in the living room. Let me remind you she is no longer a small pup. I had to laugh aloud the day I heard a loud noise in the kitchen and went to investigate. What I found was an almost fully-grown yellow lab standing on the middle of the kitchen table. If I did not know any better at that moment, I would have almost expected her to let out a meow. I had recently read a study that was actually done with the intention of finding out if people who own pets laugh more often than non-pet owners. The results showed that people who own both dogs and cats do in fact laugh more often in a day than people who own only a dog or only a cat. Owners of one dog or one cat laugh more often than non-pet owners. (Robin Maria Valeri, Tails of Laughter: A Pilot Study Examining The Relationship Between Companion Animal Guardianship And Laughter.) I found this study to be very interesting. In my case, this is also very true.

Many different situations take place in everyday life that can be perceived as humorous. In my home they usually are related to one of the pets that reside there. Whatever the situation, everybody needs to have a little bit of humor in their day-to-day life. Without it a person can become very depressed and possibly have health related issues. Studies have shown that having pets in your home can help to improve health conditions, and decrease depression and this leads me to believe that when it comes to pets and humor the two go hand in hand.

Author Kim Clark

$165,000.

The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money.  The elderly woman replied that she made bets.  The president was surprised and asked,

What kind of bets?

The elderly woman replied,

Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.  The woman never batted an eye.  She just looked at the president and said,

Would you like to take my bet?

Certainly,

replied the president.

I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.

Done,

the elderly woman answered.

But given the amount of money involved, if you don’t mind I would like to come back at 10 ‘ clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.

No problem,

said the president of the Bank confidently.  That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.  The next morning at exactly 10 o’clock the elderly woman arrived at the president’s office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president’s testicles were square.  The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before.  Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.  The president was happy to oblige.  The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them.

Of course,

said the president.

Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.

The elderly woman did so with a little smile.  Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall.  He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,

Oh, it’s probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o’clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!

-Daniel

Do you know what I miss most of all?

She asks,

What?

Sex!!

he replies Mildred exclaims,

Why you old fart. You couldn’t get it up if I held a gun to your head!

I know.

Harold says,

but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.

Well, I can oblige.

says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold’s manhood.
Then one night Harold didn’t show up at their usual meeting place.  Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K.  She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold’s manhood!  Furious, Mildred yelled,

You two-timing son of a bitch!  What does Ethel have that I don’t have?

Old Harold smiled happily and replied,

Parkinson’s Disease.

-Daniel

[Show as slideshow]

-Danny

I would like to thank Ohio.Net for being so tolerant of me.  Tom and John specifically.  They have been helpful through this entire process and even before I went on short term disability.  I am going to miss a lot of things but one thing in particular – Sandy’s Cookies!!

Thank you Ohio.Net/Bright.Net – Doylestown Communications, John and Tom!

-Danny

My Depression Test Results:

-Daniel

-Daniel