A man was just about to tee off at his local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out,

Do you mind if I join you? I am a new member and haven’t got a partner yet.

Sure,

the man said,

You’re welcome.

So they started playing, enjoyed the game and the company of each other. Part way around the course the man asked the newcomer,

What do you do for a living?

I’m a hitman.

was the reply.

You’re joking!

was the response.

No, I’m not.

he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini action sniper’s rifle with a large telescopic sight.

Here are my tools.

That’s a powerful telescopic sight.

said the man,

May I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right into our bedroom. Wow, I can see my wife in there and she’s naked! Wait a minute, that’s my next door neighbour in there with her and he is naked, too!

He turned to the hitman,

How much do you charge for a hit?

I’ll do a flat rate, one thousand pounds sterling every time I pull the trigger.

Can you do two for me now?

Sure, what do you want?

First, shoot my wife. She’s always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then shoot my neighbour. I have always considered him being friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off. That should teach him a lesson.

The hitman raised the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for some time.

Are you going to do it or not?

said the man impatiently.

Just be patient.

said the hitman calmly.

I think I can save you a grand here.

-Dan

This is with out a doubt the most hilarious video I have ever seen. To appreciate it, you must work in the Internet Industry. I watched this and was actually crying I was laughing so hard. I may have pissed myself in the process too. Its that funny. Check it out at (click the link):

The Web Site Is Down!

-Dan

I can not believe that some people actually think they look good in a thong…??? They are either retarded or ignorant or both. Again, you’ve been forewarned. This is some sick shit…

-Dan

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You’ve ever uttered the phrase, “I love what you’ve done with your cave.”
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
12. You’ve ever had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

-Ruger