Despite.Org – Despise Everything!
Rated: PG-13
A PG-13 rating is a sterner warning by the Rating Board to parents to determine whether their children under age 13 should view the motion picture, as some material might not be suited for them. A PG-13 motion picture may go beyond the PG rating in theme, violence, nudity, sensuality, language, adult activities or other elements, but does not reach the restricted R category. The theme of the motion picture by itself will not result in a rating greater than PG-13, although depictions of activities related to a mature theme may result in a restricted rating for the motion picture. Any drug use will initially require at least a PG-13 rating. More than brief nudity will require at least a PG-13 rating, but such nudity in a PG-13 rated motion picture generally will not be sexually oriented. There may be depictions of violence in a PG-13 movie, but generally not both realistic and extreme or persistent violence. A motion picture’s single use of one of the harsher sexually-derived words, though only as an expletive, initially requires at least a PG-13 rating. More than one such expletive requires an R rating, as must even one of those words used in a sexual context. The Rating Board nevertheless may rate such a motion picture PG-13 if, based on a special vote by a two-thirds majority, the Raters feel that most American parents would believe that a PG-13 rating is appropriate because of the context or manner in which the words are used or because the use of those words in the motion picture is inconspicuous.
Help
Jul 15th
Stuck
Sometimes you can reach too far. When you find yourself over-extended and you’re stuck in a situation that you can’t get out of, there is one thing you should always remember…
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–Daniel
Tags: Comedy, Cow, Everyone, Help, Pictures, Rated, Rated: PG-13IRS to Car Wash Visit
Mar 20th
Published: The Sacramento Bee / Saturday, Mar. 13, 2010 – 12:00 am
By Bob Shallit bshallit@sacbee.com
Read more: http://www.sacbee.com/2010/03/13/2604016/irs-suits-pay-visit-to-car-wash.html#ixzz0iS2jlbC3
Author Daniel Clark
Life
Mar 3rd
February, March and April are my worst months. My middle finger on my left hand is now becoming deformed due to the joint fusion. Every morning I can not straighten it out. My rheumatologist is unable to keep my pain under control so now I have been referred to a pain specialist. Maybe this can be a good thing. Maybe they will give me the pain meds that actually work. I don’t know how many times I have said that I am getting so tired of the pain… I probably sound like a fucking record skipping over and over…
Insanity would best describe how I feel. I know now, how others have to live with pain that are far worse then I. Even then, I have problems dealing with my own situation and there are others far worse. I can’t imagine how others worse then I deal with it when I feel so insane from it. I am writing now because I can not sleep. The best thing you can do for insomnia is get up and do something.
I think I am going to file for short term disability through my work. I can’t be there on time on top of missing at least one or two days every week. I’ve talked with my boss and now trying to schedule a meeting with the President to see what I can do. This is something I have been trying to avoid. I keep thinking that I might get better and some days it feels like that but then I am reminded that any one with this disease has never gone into remission, my immune system goes crazy and then I have a flare up. I am so tired so so so so tired of the same shit over and over and over etc… It never fucking ends and it literally never will.
Author Daniel Clark
Tickle my Testicles!
Feb 19th
Tickle me Elmo
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.
Ticke Me Elmo
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena, ‘I’m sorry,’ he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, ‘but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday… Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.’
-Danny
Tags: Ass, car, Comedy, Dan, Duct, Elmo, Employee, factory, factory floor, Hey, Image, job, Joke, Jokes, laughter, Legs, Marbles, Rated, Rated: PG-13, Rig, Test, Testicles, TickleDefinitions
Jan 15th
I like this so much that I pulled it from a friends blog (www.LagMonster.Com):
(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint..Just say you’re welcome. (This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’, that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
(8) Whatever : Is a woman’s way of saying FUCK YOU!
(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response ‘nothing’.
-Dan
Tags: Comedy, Definitions, Fine, Five Minutes, General, Go Ahead, Information, Loud Sigh, Misc., Nothing, Rated, Rated: PG-13, Thanks, That's Okay, Whatever, women
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