Rated: PG-13
Tickle my Testicles!
Feb 19th

Tickle me Elmo
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.

Ticke Me Elmo
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena, ‘I’m sorry,’ he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, ‘but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday… Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.’
-Danny
Definitions
Jan 15th
I like this so much that I pulled it from a friends blog (www.LagMonster.Com):
(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint..Just say you’re welcome. (This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’, that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
(8) Whatever : Is a woman’s way of saying FUCK YOU!
(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response ‘nothing’.
-Dan
A Lesson in Math
May 28th
A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:
“To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you & I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be upset – I shall be home before midnight.”
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
“My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Marriot Hotel with Michael, one of my students, who is also on the tennis team. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand although it may appear that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.”
-Dan
Zebra Joke
Jun 2nd
A Zebra Dies and goes to Heaven
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter,
I have a question that’s haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?
St. Peter said,
That’s a question only God can answer.
So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked,
God, please – I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?
God simply replied,
You are what you are.
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him,
Well, did God straighten out your query for you?
The zebra looked puzzled and said,
No sir, God simply said You are what you are.
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra,
Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.
The zebra asked St. Peter,
How do you know that for certain?
St. Peter replied,
Because, If you were black with white stripes God would have said, You is what you is.
-Ruger









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