Rated: PG-13
Life
Mar 3rd
February, March and April are my worst months. My middle finger on my left hand is now becoming deformed due to the joint fusion. Every morning I can not straighten it out. My rheumatologist is unable to keep my pain under control so now I have been referred to a pain specialist. Maybe this can be a good thing. Maybe they will give me the pain meds that actually work. I don’t know how many times I have said that I am getting so tired of the pain… I probably sound like a fucking record skipping over and over…
Insanity would best describe how I feel. I know now, how others have to live with pain that are far worse then I. Even then, I have problems dealing with my own situation and there are others far worse. I can’t imagine how others worse then I deal with it when I feel so insane from it. I am writing now because I can not sleep. The best thing you can do for insomnia is get up and do something.
I think I am going to file for short term disability through my work. I can’t be there on time on top of missing at least one or two days every week. I’ve talked with my boss and now trying to schedule a meeting with the President to see what I can do. This is something I have been trying to avoid. I keep thinking that I might get better and some days it feels like that but then I am reminded that any one with this disease has never gone into remission, my immune system goes crazy and then I have a flare up. I am so tired so so so so tired of the same shit over and over and over etc… It never fucking ends and it literally never will.
Author Daniel Clark
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Loading ...Tickle my Testicles!
Feb 19th
Tickle me Elmo
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.
Ticke Me Elmo
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena, ‘I’m sorry,’ he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, ‘but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday… Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.’
-Danny
(2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5) Loading ...Never ends…
Jan 19th
My pain never ends. This last weekend, both Saturday and Sunday mornings were horrible. Both hands/fingers completely frozen. Locked up to the point that I could not open my hands at all. I would start to try and open them and then they would stick and pain shoots all the way up both arms. My knee’s were also swollen. If I sat down for more then 5 minutes, I would have serious trouble getting up to a standing position on my own. The pain pills (OxyContin) is not working like it should any more. I figure my body has built up an immunity to it making it ineffective. I think I am going to try and have my doctor change my medications to see if that helps any (and if he even does it). I have so much shit to do yet I can’t do it in this condition. I am so sick of feeling like this that it is driving me insane. Fucking INSANE!
-Dan
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Definitions
Jan 15th
I like this so much that I pulled it from a friends blog (www.LagMonster.Com):
(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint..Just say you’re welcome. (This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’, that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
(8) Whatever : Is a woman’s way of saying FUCK YOU!
(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response ‘nothing’.
-Dan
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Fucking hurting today…
Dec 7th
Man am I fucking hurting today. Both hands are swollen and its hard to type. Today, the first real snow fell. Probably why I hurt so bad. Theres not enough OxyContin I can take to rid this pain (trust me, I tried). I am sure it helps, not sure I want to imagine myself with out it. I have enough corti-steriods in me to make Lou Ferrigno seem like a baby. I no longer have the good insurance that covers Enbrel or the other $2200 a month script that would make my life easier. Go figure. I am back to basics including the sickning Methatrexate chemo drug that I am seriously consider taking again.
-Dan
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...75 my ass!
Oct 19th
I just took the live to 100 test and calling bullshit on it. It says I’ll live to 75. Right now as it stands I am not going to make it to 60. See if you have any better luck with it.
Living to 100
http://calculator.livingto100.com/
-Dan
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A Lesson in Math
May 28th
A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:
“To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you & I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be upset – I shall be home before midnight.”
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
“My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Marriot Hotel with Michael, one of my students, who is also on the tennis team. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand although it may appear that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.”
-Dan
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Zebra Joke
Jun 2nd
A Zebra Dies and goes to Heaven
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter,
I have a question that’s haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?
St. Peter said,
That’s a question only God can answer.
So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked,
God, please – I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?
God simply replied,
You are what you are.
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him,
Well, did God straighten out your query for you?
The zebra looked puzzled and said,
No sir, God simply said You are what you are.
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra,
Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.
The zebra asked St. Peter,
How do you know that for certain?
St. Peter replied,
Because, If you were black with white stripes God would have said, You is what you is.
-Ruger
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