-Dan

1. A day without sunshine is night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable , except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’
22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off..
23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

-Dan

Life Stages (click to enlarge)

-Dan

This is a true story. I did not even believe it at first. My parents were vacationing in Kentucky when they pulled into a dollar general store to grab something (unrelated). When they got out of their car, a convertible pulled in next to them. They waited until the people went in the store and then my parents snapped this picture (see below, click to enlarge): This is TRUE.

Click image to Enlarge

My parents keep telling me this is what I need to do to my convertible to fix the tears in the roof - LOL.

-Ruger

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men… That night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet again…

The engaged girlfriend said:

The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4′ stilettos and mask. He said, You are the woman of my life, I love you, then we made love all night long.

The mistress stated:

Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat When I opened the raincoat, he didn’ say a word. We just had wild sex all night.

The married one then said:

The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, Hey Batman, what’s for dinner?

-Ruger