I am hoping that its just the time of the year - end of January and the month of February. If you would have asked me yesterday, I would have answered that last night and yesterday was the worst I have felt all year (since last Jan & Feb) and even then I don’t think I was this bad. Its 1 AM right now and I am unable to sleep. So far, my right hand at the main knuckle joints are flaring up to the point that I can’t make a fist and or put any pressure on the palm of my hand to do simple tasks like using my hand to push myself up when standing or even sitting down. Next my jaw joint on the right side of my face is making it hard to even eat. I am trying to restrict my diet to soups and soft foods. The sharp pain from turning my head and or opening my mouth to yawn sends sharp stinging waves of pain up the side of my face into my head triggering migraine headaches. Every time I move, a joint pops/cracks somewhere on my body with needle sticking pain in the joint. My lower back, both hips, knees, and ankles are all flaring to the point that I can only take baby steps when walking and forget about standing up from a sitting position. I am on some very powerful narcotics, NSaids and corticosteroids. Not to mention the Prozac I take for depression and or what ever it helps for in dealing with this situation. I have been taking more then the recommended dosage and I still feel like this. I can only imagine what it would be like with out those medicines. Anyone with an autoimmune disease will know exactly what I am talking about. I can say one thing, if I didn’t have the mind altering medicines (Prozac, Welbutrin…) I would be in a world of hurt. No one can appreciate the way pain makes one feel from being in pain the majority of the day, every day. Pain makes you think and do some crazy things that would make a normal person think you are mentally ill. Maybe I am? If so, its only due to the pain and the failure (which is almost impossible) to manage it.

-Ruger

Merry Christmas

-Ruger

I have no idea how to even explain how the last week has been. Well, I have AS and or RA so I take a lot of drugs. One of them being OxyContin. I get a month at a time and since it is a controlled substance, I have to have a prescription each month. This time round, I had my wife call my doctor to get my OxyContin Script. I normally request the script 7 days in advance since I won’t have to be with out. Well I ran out and had to wait 4 days with out any OxyContin. Now, the last 4 days I have been detoxing. Detoxing from 40 Milligrams of OxyContin a day!

I finally got my scripts so the aching, painful movements are gone now.  The edge has been dulled to a almost nothing now.  This was one of the worst weeks this year for me.  The only thing I have a hard time with is knowing that something as small as a pill has such power of me.  But then again, I need this pill to live a half way normal life.  I am on a double edge sword.  At least I am still alive…

-Ruger

I missed work today. I woke up and could not move my legs and or my elbows. AS/RA had set in over night due to a few reasons I believe. I quit taking prednisone over the weekend due to high blood pressure and high/low blood sugars. Also, the the weather kicked in too. It started snowing and got very cold. Not sure which was more at fault but either way it hurts like hell and disables a lot of the shit that I can do. I am so sick of feeling like this that it pisses me off. Nothing I can do about it. I am sleeping a lot more for some reason too. Probably the reason why I can not sleep right not at almost 2AM.

-Ruger

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At least the Pittsburgh Steelers won 3 to 0. They were scoreless all the way up to 20 seconds before the end of the game. This was one of the more weird games I have seen in awhile. With that end score, you know that has to hurt the Dolphins. At least it would have to sting a little from that loss even though they are winless this entire season. Steelers now go to 8 Wins to 3 Loses.

-Ruger

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