Personal Blog
3 Days of Hell
Mar 17th
Three of the most beautiful days this year and I lived them in hell. It has literally been years since I have felt this bad. I have complained before about my pain (if you read my past posts) but this was very different. There were a few times in my life that I specifically remember events that were physically painful. The reason I remember them is because they were the most painful events in my life to date. The first, back in 1988 (or roughly there in) I broke two bones in my foot up close towards my toes and shattered two joints (according to the doctor) in my ankle all on the right foot playing back yard tackle football. I know, stupid. We were boys having fun. Anyways, after the E. R. visit and the foot reset, that entire night, my right foot was so painful and aching that I could not stand it. I cried like a baby. I had to have my wife (my girlfriend at that particular time) poke my toes through the cast since it felt like I was loosing the feeling in my entire foot. All they gave me for the pain was Tylenol with Codeine.
The next time is around 1996 or 97. I have yet to be diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis at that time. The painful affects of this disease had already started around 1995, 96. I was undiagnosed for two years. One night, the pain in my hip joints and my right leg were killing me. The muscle was actually cramping causing more pain. At this time, I had no idea why or what this even was. The next morning I went to St. Thomas Hospital E. R. where they thought I was a drug seeker. They gave me Vicodin and referred me to a bone specialist. It was at this point I finally started to get answers and was diagnosed 3 to 4 months later. The pain before the ER visit was so bad, that again, I cried and was unable to walk or move. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that I broke my femur bone. At least that’s what I would think it feels like. These two painful events, will be with me for the rest of my life, that is until something new comes along which I pray to God does not happen.
There is one more time that could rival the past two painful events. This one started March 9th, 2010 and went through March 11th, 2010. I missed all three days of work due to it. Only worked two days, Monday and Friday. If you have read my past posts, you’ll see that I bitch about my left hand a lot and how it painfully locks up on me in the mornings. The 9th and 10th were not that bad. Bad enough for me to call off of work. It was the 11th that I cringe thinking about. Both the 9th & 10th my left hand was locked up (obviously no shocker there). The 11th, I woke up in the middle of the night/morning around 2AM (I only got to bed around 1AM) to roll over and when I did the painful scream I let out woke the dogs up and they started barking. Every joint, Every part of my body that has connective tissue called cardilog was locked. I couldn’t even roll over on my back with out shrieking in agonizing pain. Normally, this only lasts an hour or two but that day, it lasted almost eight hours. Even overdosing on Oxycontin and Vicodin (both) I still had severe issues with pain and mobility. Felt like Bone on Bone. Not only could I feel it, you could hear it, sounded like Bone on Bone. Man, not have the right medicine (Enbrel) is really starting to take its toll on my body. I know these months are the worst for me but this has been worse then normal. I am not sure how I keep sane. Maybe I am not sane, I just don’t know it and everyone else around me is pretending that I am sane…
Author Daniel Clark
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Mar 3rd
February, March and April are my worst months. My middle finger on my left hand is now becoming deformed due to the joint fusion. Every morning I can not straighten it out. My rheumatologist is unable to keep my pain under control so now I have been referred to a pain specialist. Maybe this can be a good thing. Maybe they will give me the pain meds that actually work. I don’t know how many times I have said that I am getting so tired of the pain… I probably sound like a fucking record skipping over and over…
Insanity would best describe how I feel. I know now, how others have to live with pain that are far worse then I. Even then, I have problems dealing with my own situation and there are others far worse. I can’t imagine how others worse then I deal with it when I feel so insane from it. I am writing now because I can not sleep. The best thing you can do for insomnia is get up and do something.
I think I am going to file for short term disability through my work. I can’t be there on time on top of missing at least one or two days every week. I’ve talked with my boss and now trying to schedule a meeting with the President to see what I can do. This is something I have been trying to avoid. I keep thinking that I might get better and some days it feels like that but then I am reminded that any one with this disease has never gone into remission, my immune system goes crazy and then I have a flare up. I am so tired so so so so tired of the same shit over and over and over etc… It never fucking ends and it literally never will.
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Left Hand Lock Up
Feb 25th
My left hand keeps locking up. Every morning I wake up to my left hand curled up almost into a fist and I am unable to straighten it out at all. If I try the pain is so bad that it prevents me from even moving any of my fingers. It takes about 40Mg’s of Oxycontin, one Mobic, 30 Mg’s of Prednisone and maybe some Vicodin for break through pain. Then I have to wait about an hour for it all to kick in. I have to figure something out at night to keep my and in to keep it straight and not curl up…
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Endoscopy Part 2 the Aftermath
Feb 18th
Well, my endoscopy is done. It was a cake procedure. They put in an I.V. and wheeled me into the exam room. They put a block in my mount for the camera to run through. They then administered 3 of Versaid and 5 of Fentenal (what ever the hell that means). The last thing I remember was a lady telling me I am going to feel a little sleepy and I swear not more then 5 seconds later I must have been out. I started dreaming that I was gagging on the camera cord and that I could feel the cord going deeper into my throat and then I felt it being pulled back out BUT remember, I thought that it was a dream since thats what it felt like. Next thing I remember, the nurse was talking to me and I asked her if it they started or if it was done and sure enough, it was done. I don’t remember a damn thing except for the dream I had which really must have been a dream/twilight sleep.
The weird thing about this whole deal was that when I was awake, I felt no grogginess or sleepiness and yet when I laid back down I was out like a light bulb and then the nurse would start talking to me I then would be up as if nothing had happened. I attribute that to the drugs but it was still weird.
Shit, they took pictures of everything and I wanted to get a copy of them to post up here… I’ll see if I can get a copy of them. They did not look good. He says that I have something that causes my stomach to become inflamed and swollen…
I am home now, and I am laying down to take advantage of being able to fall a sleep on a dime 
I took the rest of my meds and FINALLY had my cup of coffee on the way home so I am good to go. Good Night!
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Endoscopy
Feb 11th
This 18th, I have to go and get a endoscopy done. They are looking for anything abnormal and ulcers. I lost 20 pounds in about 2 weeks. I was down to 176 pounds. Reason was I quit eating since everything I ate and or drank at any time felt like it was going to come back up. The sickness has lasted about a month so far until I started taking the stomach medicine.
The G.I. Doctor said he thinks its ulcers but if they are they don’t feel like normal ulcers from when I had them before. Ulcers were painful when you got hungry and went away after you ate. I am having the exact opposite now. When I eat or drink I get sick, almost to the point of throwing up. They still think its ulcers though… We’ll see (literally) I guess on the 18Th.
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...This Week…
Jan 22nd
Author Daniel Clark
This past week has been bad. Every morning my hands have been the worst in terms of mobility. I can barely put on my on damn socks they hurt so bad. Once I sit down, its a battle to get back up under my own power due to my knees and ankles. The pain meds I have been taking are not working as well as they normally should since I have been taking them for years now and my body has built up an immunity to them so now I have to take double the amount I would normally take to get the same effect to take the edge off. My next appointment I am going to try and get different pain meds and alternate between the two so that they may work better. Also going to try and get my doctor to up the corticosteroids. I can’t believe I am still sane after all I have been through so far…
-Dan
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