Personal Blog
Life
Mar 3rd
February, March and April are my worst months. My middle finger on my left hand is now becoming deformed due to the joint fusion. Every morning I can not straighten it out. My rheumatologist is unable to keep my pain under control so now I have been referred to a pain specialist. Maybe this can be a good thing. Maybe they will give me the pain meds that actually work. I don’t know how many times I have said that I am getting so tired of the pain… I probably sound like a fucking record skipping over and over…
Insanity would best describe how I feel. I know now, how others have to live with pain that are far worse then I. Even then, I have problems dealing with my own situation and there are others far worse. I can’t imagine how others worse then I deal with it when I feel so insane from it. I am writing now because I can not sleep. The best thing you can do for insomnia is get up and do something.
I think I am going to file for short term disability through my work. I can’t be there on time on top of missing at least one or two days every week. I’ve talked with my boss and now trying to schedule a meeting with the President to see what I can do. This is something I have been trying to avoid. I keep thinking that I might get better and some days it feels like that but then I am reminded that any one with this disease has never gone into remission, my immune system goes crazy and then I have a flare up. I am so tired so so so so tired of the same shit over and over and over etc… It never fucking ends and it literally never will.
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...Left Hand Lock Up
Feb 25th
My left hand keeps locking up. Every morning I wake up to my left hand curled up almost into a fist and I am unable to straighten it out at all. If I try the pain is so bad that it prevents me from even moving any of my fingers. It takes about 40Mg’s of Oxycontin, one Mobic, 30 Mg’s of Prednisone and maybe some Vicodin for break through pain. Then I have to wait about an hour for it all to kick in. I have to figure something out at night to keep my and in to keep it straight and not curl up…
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Endoscopy Part 2 the Aftermath
Feb 18th
Well, my endoscopy is done. It was a cake procedure. They put in an I.V. and wheeled me into the exam room. They put a block in my mount for the camera to run through. They then administered 3 of Versaid and 5 of Fentenal (what ever the hell that means). The last thing I remember was a lady telling me I am going to feel a little sleepy and I swear not more then 5 seconds later I must have been out. I started dreaming that I was gagging on the camera cord and that I could feel the cord going deeper into my throat and then I felt it being pulled back out BUT remember, I thought that it was a dream since thats what it felt like. Next thing I remember, the nurse was talking to me and I asked her if it they started or if it was done and sure enough, it was done. I don’t remember a damn thing except for the dream I had which really must have been a dream/twilight sleep.
The weird thing about this whole deal was that when I was awake, I felt no grogginess or sleepiness and yet when I laid back down I was out like a light bulb and then the nurse would start talking to me I then would be up as if nothing had happened. I attribute that to the drugs but it was still weird.
Shit, they took pictures of everything and I wanted to get a copy of them to post up here… I’ll see if I can get a copy of them. They did not look good. He says that I have something that causes my stomach to become inflamed and swollen…
I am home now, and I am laying down to take advantage of being able to fall a sleep on a dime 
I took the rest of my meds and FINALLY had my cup of coffee on the way home so I am good to go. Good Night!
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Endoscopy
Feb 11th
This 18th, I have to go and get a endoscopy done. They are looking for anything abnormal and ulcers. I lost 20 pounds in about 2 weeks. I was down to 176 pounds. Reason was I quit eating since everything I ate and or drank at any time felt like it was going to come back up. The sickness has lasted about a month so far until I started taking the stomach medicine.
The G.I. Doctor said he thinks its ulcers but if they are they don’t feel like normal ulcers from when I had them before. Ulcers were painful when you got hungry and went away after you ate. I am having the exact opposite now. When I eat or drink I get sick, almost to the point of throwing up. They still think its ulcers though… We’ll see (literally) I guess on the 18Th.
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...This Week…
Jan 22nd
Author Daniel Clark
This past week has been bad. Every morning my hands have been the worst in terms of mobility. I can barely put on my on damn socks they hurt so bad. Once I sit down, its a battle to get back up under my own power due to my knees and ankles. The pain meds I have been taking are not working as well as they normally should since I have been taking them for years now and my body has built up an immunity to them so now I have to take double the amount I would normally take to get the same effect to take the edge off. My next appointment I am going to try and get different pain meds and alternate between the two so that they may work better. Also going to try and get my doctor to up the corticosteroids. I can’t believe I am still sane after all I have been through so far…
-Dan
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Never ends…
Jan 19th
My pain never ends. This last weekend, both Saturday and Sunday mornings were horrible. Both hands/fingers completely frozen. Locked up to the point that I could not open my hands at all. I would start to try and open them and then they would stick and pain shoots all the way up both arms. My knee’s were also swollen. If I sat down for more then 5 minutes, I would have serious trouble getting up to a standing position on my own. The pain pills (OxyContin) is not working like it should any more. I figure my body has built up an immunity to it making it ineffective. I think I am going to try and have my doctor change my medications to see if that helps any (and if he even does it). I have so much shit to do yet I can’t do it in this condition. I am so sick of feeling like this that it is driving me insane. Fucking INSANE!
-Dan
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Sick
Jan 11th
Nice way to start the new year. Throwing up, aching and a Migraine. What is next…
-Dan
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
Dec 15th
Have a…
Merry Christmas
and
a
Happy New Year!
Time until Christmas Day:
2 months, 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 58 minutes, 40 seconds ago
Time until January 1st, 2010:
2 months, 1 week, 3 days, 15 hours, 58 minutes, 40 seconds ago
-Dan
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Fucking hurting today…
Dec 7th
Man am I fucking hurting today. Both hands are swollen and its hard to type. Today, the first real snow fell. Probably why I hurt so bad. Theres not enough OxyContin I can take to rid this pain (trust me, I tried). I am sure it helps, not sure I want to imagine myself with out it. I have enough corti-steriods in me to make Lou Ferrigno seem like a baby. I no longer have the good insurance that covers Enbrel or the other $2200 a month script that would make my life easier. Go figure. I am back to basics including the sickning Methatrexate chemo drug that I am seriously consider taking again.
-Dan
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...
Loading ...
Recent Comments