Insane

Three of the most beautiful days this year and I lived them in hell.  It has literally been years since I have felt this bad.  I have complained before about my pain (if you read my past posts) but this was very different.  There were a few times in my life that I specifically remember events that were physically painful.  The reason I remember them is because they were the most painful events in my life to date.  The first, back in 1988 (or roughly there in) I broke two bones in my foot up close towards my toes and shattered two joints (according to the doctor) in my ankle all on the right foot playing back yard tackle football.  I know, stupid.  We were boys having fun.  Anyways, after the E. R. visit and the foot reset, that entire night, my right foot was so painful and aching that I could not stand it.  I cried like a baby.  I had to have my wife (my girlfriend at that particular time) poke my toes through the cast since it felt like I was loosing the feeling in my entire foot.  All they gave me for the pain was Tylenol with Codeine.

The next time is around 1996 or 97.  I have yet to be diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis at that time.  The painful affects of this disease had already started around 1995, 96.  I was undiagnosed for two years.  One night, the pain in my hip joints and my right leg were killing me.  The muscle was actually cramping causing more pain.  At this time, I had no idea why or what this even was.  The next morning I went to St. Thomas Hospital E. R. where they thought I was a drug seeker.  They gave me Vicodin and referred me to a bone specialist.  It was at this point I finally started to get answers and was diagnosed 3 to 4 months later.  The pain before the ER visit was so bad, that again, I cried and was unable to walk or move.  If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that I broke my femur bone.  At least that’s what I would think it feels like.  These two painful events, will be with me for the rest of my life, that is until something new comes along which I pray to God does not happen.

There is one more time that could rival the past two painful events.  This one started March 9th, 2010 and went through March 11th, 2010.  I missed all three days of work due to it.  Only worked two days, Monday and Friday.  If you have read my past posts, you’ll see that I bitch about my left hand a lot and how it painfully locks up on me in the mornings.  The 9th and 10th were not that bad.  Bad enough for me to call off of work.  It was the 11th that I cringe thinking about.  Both the 9th & 10th my left hand was locked up (obviously no shocker there).  The 11th, I woke up in the middle of the night/morning around 2AM (I only got to bed around 1AM) to roll over and when I did the painful scream I let out woke the dogs up and they started barking.  Every joint, Every part of my body that has connective tissue called cardilog was locked.  I couldn’t even roll over on my back with out shrieking in agonizing pain.  Normally, this only lasts an hour or two but that day, it lasted almost eight hours.  Even overdosing on Oxycontin and Vicodin (both) I still had severe issues with pain and mobility.  Felt like Bone on Bone.  Not only could I feel it, you could hear it, sounded like Bone on Bone.  Man, not have the right medicine (Enbrel) is really starting to take its toll on my body.  I know these months are the worst for me but this has been worse then normal.  I am not sure how I keep sane.  Maybe I am not sane, I just don’t know it and everyone else around me is pretending that I am sane…

Author Daniel Clark