General
Life
Mar 3rd
February, March and April are my worst months. My middle finger on my left hand is now becoming deformed due to the joint fusion. Every morning I can not straighten it out. My rheumatologist is unable to keep my pain under control so now I have been referred to a pain specialist. Maybe this can be a good thing. Maybe they will give me the pain meds that actually work. I don’t know how many times I have said that I am getting so tired of the pain… I probably sound like a fucking record skipping over and over…
Insanity would best describe how I feel. I know now, how others have to live with pain that are far worse then I. Even then, I have problems dealing with my own situation and there are others far worse. I can’t imagine how others worse then I deal with it when I feel so insane from it. I am writing now because I can not sleep. The best thing you can do for insomnia is get up and do something.
I think I am going to file for short term disability through my work. I can’t be there on time on top of missing at least one or two days every week. I’ve talked with my boss and now trying to schedule a meeting with the President to see what I can do. This is something I have been trying to avoid. I keep thinking that I might get better and some days it feels like that but then I am reminded that any one with this disease has never gone into remission, my immune system goes crazy and then I have a flare up. I am so tired so so so so tired of the same shit over and over and over etc… It never fucking ends and it literally never will.
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...Nurses
Mar 1st
I know many of you have heard or read some like these…but here are some I haven’t seen before. The crazy thing about this list is that my wife has mentioned or told a story regarding most of every thing listed here. The fact that there is over 170 of them and someone not in the profession can relate or know of a bunch of these is even better.
- The front of you scrubs read: ‘Nurses…here to save your ass, not kiss it!’
- You occasionally park in the space with the ‘Physicians Only’ sign, and knock it over.
- You’ve ever told a patient to ‘move toward the light.’
- You believe that all the patient needs is some vitamin A (ativan)
- You’ve ever run out of linens, syringes, IV fluid, meds, and patience all at the same time
- You ever felt like a Gastroenterologist… because you work with a##holes
- It IS as BAD as you think, and the patients ARE out to get you
- You ever told a patient he didn’t need to be dead to donate an organ
- You feel that earth is the insane asylum for the universe
- You believe some patients are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them
- In a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer the most advice and the least support.
- You do the “only-27-more-minutes-of-the-shift-from-hell happy dance”
- When you need the money, your shift is cancelled; ….when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.
- You believe sick people don’t $itch
- You believe the more equipment you see on a nurses belt, the newer they are.
- You believe when dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
- You believe If the child is quiet, be scared.
- You always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.
- You believe if the patient vomits in the ED, try to hold their head to the side of the stretcher with the disposable equipment, not the stuff you have to clean.
- You believe any family member who is more drunk (or more stupid) than the patient, is the real problem.
- You can’t cure stupid.
- You believe if it’s wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
- You believe that idiots that get into car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
- You believe when a patient vomits, be sure to aim it at the family members who wouldn’t back up.
- You never trust crash cart, drug box or airway bag to be fully stocked. More >
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5) Loading ...Left Hand Lock Up
Feb 25th
My left hand keeps locking up. Every morning I wake up to my left hand curled up almost into a fist and I am unable to straighten it out at all. If I try the pain is so bad that it prevents me from even moving any of my fingers. It takes about 40Mg’s of Oxycontin, one Mobic, 30 Mg’s of Prednisone and maybe some Vicodin for break through pain. Then I have to wait about an hour for it all to kick in. I have to figure something out at night to keep my and in to keep it straight and not curl up…
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Economy Blues
Feb 22nd
The economy is so bad that…
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”.
CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.
The Mafia is laying off judges.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Thats just Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally…
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
-Danny
(2 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5) Loading ...Tickle my Testicles!
Feb 19th
Tickle me Elmo
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.
Ticke Me Elmo
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena, ‘I’m sorry,’ he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, ‘but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday… Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.’
-Danny
(2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5) Loading ...Endoscopy Part 2 the Aftermath
Feb 18th
Well, my endoscopy is done. It was a cake procedure. They put in an I.V. and wheeled me into the exam room. They put a block in my mount for the camera to run through. They then administered 3 of Versaid and 5 of Fentenal (what ever the hell that means). The last thing I remember was a lady telling me I am going to feel a little sleepy and I swear not more then 5 seconds later I must have been out. I started dreaming that I was gagging on the camera cord and that I could feel the cord going deeper into my throat and then I felt it being pulled back out BUT remember, I thought that it was a dream since thats what it felt like. Next thing I remember, the nurse was talking to me and I asked her if it they started or if it was done and sure enough, it was done. I don’t remember a damn thing except for the dream I had which really must have been a dream/twilight sleep.
The weird thing about this whole deal was that when I was awake, I felt no grogginess or sleepiness and yet when I laid back down I was out like a light bulb and then the nurse would start talking to me I then would be up as if nothing had happened. I attribute that to the drugs but it was still weird.
Shit, they took pictures of everything and I wanted to get a copy of them to post up here… I’ll see if I can get a copy of them. They did not look good. He says that I have something that causes my stomach to become inflamed and swollen…
I am home now, and I am laying down to take advantage of being able to fall a sleep on a dime 
I took the rest of my meds and FINALLY had my cup of coffee on the way home so I am good to go. Good Night!
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Endoscopy
Feb 11th
This 18th, I have to go and get a endoscopy done. They are looking for anything abnormal and ulcers. I lost 20 pounds in about 2 weeks. I was down to 176 pounds. Reason was I quit eating since everything I ate and or drank at any time felt like it was going to come back up. The sickness has lasted about a month so far until I started taking the stomach medicine.
The G.I. Doctor said he thinks its ulcers but if they are they don’t feel like normal ulcers from when I had them before. Ulcers were painful when you got hungry and went away after you ate. I am having the exact opposite now. When I eat or drink I get sick, almost to the point of throwing up. They still think its ulcers though… We’ll see (literally) I guess on the 18Th.
Author Daniel Clark
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Oxymoron
Feb 11th
My Dad sent me this, not sure where he got it from but it speaks the truth:
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?
-Danny
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5) Loading ...Words that ring true…
Feb 6th
He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast, he sat around the Legion, telling stories of the past.
Of a war that he once fought in and the deeds that he had done, in his exploits with his buddies; they were heroes, every one.
And ‘tho sometimes to his neighbors his tales became a joke, all his buddies listened quietly for they knew where of he spoke.
But we’ll hear his tales no longer, for ol’ Bob has passed away, and the worlds a little poorer for a Soldier died today.
He won’t be mourned by many, just his children and his wife. For he lived an ordinary, very quiet sort of life.
He held a job and raised a family, going quietly on his way; And the world won’t note his passing, ‘tho a Soldier died today.
When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state, while thousands note their passing, and proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell of their life stories from the time that they were young, but the passing of a Soldier goes unnoticed, and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land, some jerk who breaks his promise and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who in times of war and strife, goes off to serve his country and offers up his life?
The politician’s stipend and the style in which he lives, are often disproportionate to the service that he gives.
While the ordinary Soldier who offered up his all, is paid off with a medal and perhaps a pension, small.
It’s so easy to forget them, for it is so many times that our Bobs and Jims and Johnnys, went to battle, but we know,
it is not the politicians with their compromise and ploys, who won for us the freedom that our country now enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger with your enemies at hand, would you really want some cop-out with his ever waffling stand?
Or would you want a Soldier– his home, his country, his kin, just a common Soldier who would fight until the very end.
He was just a common Soldier and his ranks are growing thin, but his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict we find the Soldier’s part is to clean up all the trouble that the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor while he’s here to hear the praise,then at least let’s give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in the paper that might say:
“OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING, A SOLDIER DIED TODAY.”
Publisher Unknown
-Dan
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5) Loading ...Age before Technology
Feb 3rd
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930’s 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitch-hiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren’t overweight because
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms……….WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Publisher Unknown?
-Dan
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5) Loading ...
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